Chrome-plated objects above the kitchen sink
- An arrangement to peruse whilst considering, before ultimately rejecting, the idea of washing-up
The trout (which I'm not sure is chrome-plated, it's possibly of stainless steel – itself a mixture of chrome and steel) was a cigarette lighter. The seal is a bottle-opener and the pineapple is, as it so often is, an ice-bucket. The walnut is where I keep my walnuts.
The kiwi makes me feel uncomfortable as its head is all wrong, its more like that of a woodcock, and the sculptor has given the kiwi conventional feathers instead of its characteristic hair-like plumage caused by the plumes' lack of barbules. I remember having these thoughts in the shop as I held the bird in my hand. I even pointed out the anatomical anomalies to the shop-owner, a bright young woman with other customers to serve (overdressed ladies who had nothing better to do than buy ornaments on a Tuesday afternoon – they weren't there on research as I was).
So, in short, the acquisition of the aberrant kiwi was in exchange for the time of the attentive young woman. It sounds like I'm talking in code here. I probably am. Anyway, the kiwi is also the only object, besides the Hearst Castle picture frame, that I didn't find in a junk shop or on a second-hand stall. Buying such things new that aren't a memento of a special day feels like cheating, and we can't have that, a virtuous existence being paramount.
